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Is there a Santa Claus?

Holiday Ha-Ha's: Christmas Jokes & Riddles 

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Christmas Stocking Joke Book (Puffin Books)Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

Giggle Fit: Crazy Christmas JokesOn land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

The Crazy Christmas Joke BookIn short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Source :  Dancentury 
 
 
 

DON'T MOVE!




The Email Joke Book: Forward @ Your Peril A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. 

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". 

You've Got Joke Mail (A HUMOROUS COMPILATION FROM THE INBOX) He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. 

Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. 

She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

Chidrean Funny Riddles


Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
500 Hilarious Jokes for Kids (Signet)A: 'Each' is a mans name! 
Q: If there's a frog, dead in the centre of a lilypad which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
A: neither, the frog is dead!
Q: You're a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?
A: The same as yours, you're the bus driver.
Kids' Silliest Jokes 
Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
A: The sea!

Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet...how come?
A: He was bald.


Q: David's father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
A: David

Q: What has a mouth but doesn't eat, a bank with no money, a bed but doesn't sleep, and waves but has no hands?
101 Short and Hilarious Jokes For Kids - Jokes They'll Tell Again and AgainA: a river.

Q: A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?

A: His horse was called Friday.
Q: If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where's the white house?
A: Washington DC
Thanks :ComedyZone 


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Funny Birthday Messages And Ideas


Birthday Messages
Happy Birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death.
To the nation's best kept secret; Your true age.
Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!
Money's tight
Times are hard
Here's you friggin birthday card
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 

What You Don't Know About Turning 60: A Funny Birthday QuizThe California Birthday Book - George Wharton James60th Birthday Wine Glass - Funny & Unique 60th Birthday Gift

Better to be over the hill than burried under it.
You are only as old as you act.
So many candles... so little cake.
Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you smell like a monkey, and you look like one too.
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Happy Birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don't die before you eat your cake.

Happy Birthday Ringtone Text Alert AlarmFunny Birthday Card What You Don't Know About Turning 40: A Funny Birthday Quiz


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